an ancient question
I can’t recall the first time I wondered about my purpose; it is as though I came out of the womb asking, “why?”. From a very young age, a lot of pressure was placed on me by adults to find my passion, and live my dreams. I was told of my potential, and how I could do such amazing things — even change the world, or be the first woman president, if I wanted to.
What was meant to be an inspiring message for a young girl to hear, turned out to feel daunting and way too large for an elementary-schooler to comprehend. I could do… anything? What did I want to do? What was my purpose?
The meaning of life is one of humanity’s biggest questions, one that I can’t possibly hope to fully address in a blog post, or a hundred of them. But, as someone who has newly found contentment and happiness in my career and life’s trajectory, I can say that the question of meaning has begun to answer itself.
I’ve spent a lot of my life trapped in anguish, living in survival, and unable to see five steps in front of me. That little girl in elementary school went home to a life full of chaos, and a broken family. I survived those years by dreaming of my life’s purpose, and I told myself that the pain and suffering was preparing me for what I needed to conquer in this lifetime.
Yeah, even at age 6, my spirit had a sense of destiny, purpose, life’s meaning, and passion.
These things, I believe, are innate to the human experience. To be gifted with consciousness is to be fraught with the problem of potential, and we will endure a lot of trauma to see that potential through. I think that’s both beautiful and tragic.
“Musicians must make music, artists must paint, poets must write if they are ultimately to be at peace with themselves. What humans can be, they must be.”
— Abraham Maslow
what is potential?
Put simply, potential is everything that could be, which is to say, everything that isn’t yet. Not to overwhelm you or anything.
The dictionary would say that potential is “latent qualities or abilities that may be developed and lead to future success or usefulness,” which begs another interesting question: is our purpose to be useful to others? Useful in what way?
If you would have asked me early on what I wanted to do with my life, I would have said simply, “to help other people.” There were a lot of ways I considered doing this; teaching, writing, music, art, law, business, etc. Although I do enjoy these things, I was framing my enjoyment of them through the lens of other people. What would make the biggest impact on other people, what would make my family proud, what would prove them wrong?
If you are among the feminine, consider what life has taught you about sacrificing yourself for others. Consider that perhaps you were not born to serve others, as our mothers before us had learned, and passed onto their daughters.
Since then, I’ve shifted my focus towards my own definitions of success and usefulness. What is useful to me may not be useful to others, but it brings me joy and fulfilment. I measure my success by the amount of joy and wisdom I hold inside, and my usefulness by my honed ability to project that out into the world.
Now, in my 20’s, I can tangibly feel my potential starting to grow smaller. The bright open doors that were once my future have now become a window I can crawl through. Every year, that window gets a little smaller, and I ask, am I living my purpose?
what is purpose?
To explain how I see purpose, it’s easier to begin by explaining everything I believe purpose is not. Purpose is not a goalpost, or a finish line. Purpose is not the thing you must accomplish before you may breathe your last breath. It’s not one singular passion, or an answer that comes to you in a dream. It is not a burden, or a cross to bear. Purpose is neither an expectation from your mother, nor a dream job.
The dictionary defines purpose as “the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.” So what is your reason?
Do you live to fulfill other’s happiness, or to help them in some way? Do you live to save the planet whose air we breathe, or to send humanity into space? Would you like to solve the world’s problems, or cure it of a horrible disease? Do you want to make them laugh, or inspire them?
Or do you simply live to feel the sunlight, walk the earth, and share love? Do you live to smile, stay present, and make the most of the time you have?
I wish I could tell you the answer, but I’m just another human who grapples with the same fears. As I have gained more perspective, happiness, and contentment, however, I have begun to feel less preoccupied with the question, and a greater sense of knowing. What I do know is that you can waste your whole life searching for it’s purpose. Meaning doesn’t mean anything unless it means something to you.
When I am most quiet, I feel that my purpose is to know myself, and to be okay with that. And then simply, to just be. If that answer doesn’t satisfy you, then here’s another: purpose is whatever you set your will towards. It is simply your intention.
Maybe my purpose is to help you find yours. Probably not, though.
-w.w.
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