Are you struggling to quit smoking weed/marijuana? Or maybe you’re wondering why it’s such a big deal to some people in the first place. This unique perspective on one woman’s journey to quit her dependence on marijuana takes a nuanced, balanced approach to an often misunderstood issue.
my ‘safe’ drug
Ah, marijuana. Everyone’s favorite gateway drug. It’s relaxing, ups your appetite, and is overall harmless, right?
I’m not here to tell you that weed is the most dangerous drug in the world. It’s definitely not. Neither marijuana nor alcohol should be illegal, but that doesn’t mean it’s good for you.
I have a real problem with how weed is marketed and talked about amongst all kinds of people, not just stoners. In the push to legalize medical marijuana across the country, they sold us the lie that weed is beneficial. It can help anything from cancer to chronic pain to anxiety. Yeah, right.
When I was growing up, both of my parents had problems with alcohol, and the battle with alcohol cost my dad his life. Seeing the harm that came from alcohol first-hand, I was very careful with it as a young teen and still to this day. Even so, when I moved to Colorado and found that a lot of my friends were smoking weed, it seemed to me like the safer choice. So I started smoking pot. A lot of pot.
Quickly Out of Control
Eventually, I realized that I didn’t like going too long without getting high. I mostly noticed this at work and in college, when the stressors of daily life were all-too apparent. So I’d take a smoke break in the middle of the day and go about my business high. I’d work high, shower high, cook high, clean high, and yes, even drive high. Even worse, I really convinced myself that there was no problem with doing so. I drive safer when I’m high, I’d tell myself, because I’m more paranoid about being pulled over. Yeah, right.
Sometimes smoking was my reward for getting my homework or chores done. Other times, it was my catalyst for doing so. This went on for about four years, until I graduated college. Finally ready to quit my retail job that I didn’t take seriously and enter the career of my choosing, I realized I might encounter the dreaded drug test. I’d taken drug tests before, and I even knew how to fake one. But something inside of me knew I couldn’t keep going that way. Something inside me wanted to change.
I can’t really explain what that thing was. After all, I’d always been ambitious, and I’d always wanted more from my life than a drug addiction and to just barely scrape by like my parents did. I was only 21, so I didn’t take much of anything seriously except school. School was my ticket to a better life. Go to college, they said, and you won’t have to live like we did. I grew up poor, neglected, with one dead parent and another unstable one, in a trailer park. I didn’t want that life for myself, and I definitely didn’t want it for my future kids.
It didn’t stop me from lighting up all throughout my undergrad years of college. I was depressed, miserable, and extremely anxious. I wasn’t on the right anxiety medicine, so I didn’t know there was anything else out there that could help me. But I was still just as anxious as before, but now I was anxious about getting high, anxious while high, and anxious about when to get high next. It all became too much, I realized, and I had to stop.
A Catalyst for Change
I knew that weed was only holding me back from the other things I wanted to do in life. Instead of looking forward to spending time in nature, pursuing art or hobbies, I was looking forward to smoking a bowl. I realized my whole life revolved around it, even the friends I chose.
I had just began exploring yoga and new age spirituality around this time, and I decided on a whim to buy a cheap flight to Norway where my cousin lives. I stayed the week with her, and I didn’t know where or how to get weed in Norway, so I went the week without it. This actually wasn’t hard when I was overseas because I was so incredibly in-the-moment in a way only travel can make you. My cousin introduced me to the concept of bullet journaling, and I decided to buy one and start writing on this trip.
There was a moment today where I was sitting on the bus, watching the countryside roll by, and I swallowed all the growing pains I’ve been having on this trip and this year. I felt such an overwhelming sense of joy, gratitude, and peace. I’m ready to go home and change my life.
– From my bullet journal, March 12, 2019
I decided when I got back that I was done. I would finish what I had at home and be done with it. And that was hard. I took to binge-eating as a way to hit my dopamine receptors in the way I was craving. I was used to getting the munchies and eating snacks until I was too full to do anything but sleep. So I kept doing that.
That lasted about a month, until 4/20 rolled around. I somehow found my way to the local dispensary and bought just a few joints. No more for my personal stash — just enough for a few days.
That is, until I realized my tolerance was way lower than it had been. The eighth of weed in those few joints was enough to last me a few weeks, and I made it stretch, going right back into my habit of smoking every single day. I decided to set a few rules for myself:
- No smoking in the morning
- No smoking at work
- No smoking while driving
- No more than once per week
- Don’t. Buy. Any. More.
- You can smoke with friends, though
I think the final nail in the coffin for me was when I got put on a Performance Improvement Plan at work. You know, the thing they give you when they’re about to fire you if you don’t do better. I hated my job anyways, and I had graduated over 6 months ago. I needed a job in my field, and I needed it fast. Knowing I’d probably be drug tested, and even if I weren’t, I couldn’t start my new career high as a kite, I decided it was finally time for me to get serious about quitting.
The job hunt was long, and the added stress from losing my favorite coping mechanism made it worse. I almost completely checked out of work, doing only the bare minimum to not get fired, and having panic attacks every other day in the process. I found myself going to see my friends just to smoke their weed. I didn’t like that feeling, so I decided to nix that last rule.
What Actually Helped Me Quit Smoking Weed
Because I had finally ran out of my stash from 4/20, I developed a new system to help me stay sober for good this time. Here’s what actually helped me quit smoking weed:
I built a list of healthy ways to reward myself that didn’t involve weed.
For years, I used marijuana as a way to ‘reward myself’ after a long day of work, after finishing a hard project, or just to cope with the stressors of life. I knew this had completely hijacked my reward system, so I decided to build a new one from scratch. These rewards could be anything that made me feel good, mentally, emotionally, or physically.
I tried to make sure some of these rewards were completely free, and others were low-cost. Some were a bit higher cost, and I would do those only if I stayed consistent for a longer period of time, like a month. If I met one of my goals, even in a small way, I would reward myself. Here is some of what my list entailed:
- Take a PTO day
- Take a bubble bath
- Buy fresh flowers
- Take a drive through the mountains
- Get a massage
- Do a face mask
- Make my favorite meal
- Get a pedicure
- Get a car wash
- Buy a lottery ticket
- Smudge the house
- Buy a crystal
- Get a new plant
- Go stargazing
- Watch the sunrise or sunset
- Sleep in
I started taking every opportunity I could to reward myself. And my budget? I used what I once spent on weed. I used to spend about $40 per biweekly paycheck, or $80 a month. This became my new budget for rewarding myself, self-care, and wellness.
I started a journaling and habit tracking routine.
When I was in Norway, my cousin introduced me to the concept of bullet journaling, and I decided to start. This journal helped me start tracking my habits, good and bad. I decided to track a few good and bad habits: weed, alcohol, yoga, meditation, reading, seeing friends & family, painting, and exercising. This really helped me get a sense of what my life was looking like at the time and whether or not I was measuring up to the higher expectations I wanted to set for myself.
In addition to habit tracking, I also started trying to get in touch more deeply with my emotions. For years, I used weed as a numbing agent to lessen all of my uncomfortable feelings. I knew that to lessen the constant urges I was having to smoke, I needed to lay bare all the feelings I was trying to suppress. This was the ugliest and most painful part. I’d highly suggest finding a therapist who can help you pull out and dissect all the emotions you’re hiding with a cloud of smoke.
I set realistic yet strict goals for myself.
I knew it wasn’t realistic to expect perfection right away, so I decided to try a moderation approach first. Initially, I aimed to limit my smoking to once a week. However, as I realized I was struggling to maintain that frequency, I made the conscious decision to further reduce it to once a month. This adjustment was more difficult, but it allowed me to regain control and gradually distance myself from the habit until I eventually reached complete cessation. For me, this took about 6 months total before I felt mostly free from cravings.
Aside from goals around quitting, I set goals for my wellness. I had just started a membership at a local yoga studio, so I committed to going 3 times per week. This not only provided a positive outlet for my energy but also contributed significantly to my mental and physical health.
By intertwining moderation with strict yet achievable wellness goals, I established a balanced framework for myself. This approach wasn’t expecting an overnight transformation; rather, it was about setting attainable benchmarks that supported my ultimate goal of living a healthier, more fulfilling life. These goals served as guideposts, helping me navigate the process of quitting while simultaneously cultivating positive habits that enhanced my overall wellness.
I distanced myself from my smoking buddies.
I’ve had social anxiety for as long as I can remember, and when I first started smoking weed, I used it to get closer to people and feel closer to the authentic self I was hiding. When I was smoking with my friends, I felt like I could be more myself, say more of what was on my mind, and even be funny and outgoing. Eventually, I had to come to terms with the fact that myself while high was not my most authentic self.
Unfortunately, this meant that I had to reevaluate my friend circle. A few years deep into this habit, I realized that many of my “friends” were just people who I got weed from, or they got weed from me. I had to look deeply at which friends I actually had meaningful connections with (who I am still friends with to this day!), and which friends I just got high with.
The hardest part of this was that even those friends who I had meaningful connections with still provided an avenue for me to get high. I had to consciously avoid putting myself in a situation where I would have to say no to an offer because I knew I wasn’t strong enough to say no yet. Maybe I could have asked my friends not to offer (and I’m sure they would have supported that), but I felt too embarrassed to do so. I did let them know my intentions though, so they didn’t have to wonder why I was coming around less.
Eventually, when I felt strong enough in my sobriety to say no, I started seeing those friends again. But instead of going over to their houses or vice versa where we’d just sit around and smoke, I invited them to actually go do things with me that we both enjoyed besides smoking.
I used CBD as a last resort.
Throughout the process, there were a lot of times when I wanted to cave. Whether it was a particularly stressful day at work, an argument with a loved one, or just a bad mental health day, I had a lot of almost-slip ups. As a last resort, when I felt like I literally might explode if I didn’t smoke something, I used CBD. Flower was my preferred method of consuming THC, so I bought CBD flower. But CBD comes in all forms and concentrations, just like THC. It also comes a lot cheaper, and is easier to come by. You can even get it delivered right to your doorstep in all 50 states.
I had to use a lot of self-control and discipline to not just smoke this every day in place of weed. Although it provided just enough relief to satisfy my cravings, CBD does not get you high. It’s more of a full body relaxation feeling, with all your mental and emotional faculties still in place. But, it looks and smells like the real thing. It was just enough of a placebo effect to manage my cravings while keeping me away from the thing I was really addicted to. I started off using this “last resort” often, about once every 2-3 days. Eventually, it became more like weekly, then biweekly, and so on. There were even a few times closer to a year into me initially quitting that I used the CBD to prevent slipping up.
Is it cheating to still be smoking a different variant of the same plant? Maybe. But I wasn’t addicted to CBD, I was addicted to THC. Substituting one for the other allowed me to no longer rely on either.
I really wanted something better for my life, and I held onto that vision.
Without a doubt, the most important factor to quitting any addiction or bad habit is that you just have to want more for yourself. You have to sit down and examine your life as it is in the throes of active addiction, and you have to decide that the life you’re living isn’t good enough, and you deserve more. More than anything, it’s an act of courage and self-love.
When I was getting high every day, I wasn’t loving myself. I felt low, anxious, tired, and like I wasn’t worth any more than that. Doing what it took to improve my life felt too hard, and I convinced myself it was impossible at times. Marijuana filled in the gaps of everything that was missing in my life at the time: self-care and self-love, a real, fulfilling partnership, authentic connections with friends, meaningful work, and hobbies and passions that felt worthwhile. Slowly but surely, I had to start filling in those gaps myself. It hasn’t been an easy or quick process; I’m still doing it today, five years later.
My Relationship with Marijuana Today
Almost five years later, I’m not completely sober, but I’m not dependent either. I completely quit smoking weed for about two years total. After that, I felt safe and controlled enough to smoke in moderation, and I still do have the occasional puff with friends. I see it the same way I see a glass of wine: one or two, every once in awhile, is not going to harm me. It’s also not going to help me. I am neutral towards it. However, if I ever start using alcohol or marijuana more often than I’d like (more than once or twice a month is my warning sign, but this might differ for everyone), it’s time to start evaluating my mental and emotional health and take a step back from any substance use.
It feels really amazing to be free from the grip that marijuana used to have on me. There are times when I say no, and other times when I say yes, and I don’t find myself craving it afterwards or seeking out more ways to get high. Sometimes I use it to relax or express myself creatively, but never as a reward or a replacement for something lacking in my life. It’s a balance I feel comfortable with, knowing it does not negatively impact my life.
I know for many people who struggle with substance use, using their drug of choice once is enough to send them into active addiction. I think this really depends on the person and their individual journey. I am grateful that I was only actively using marijuana for about four years. I know others who have been using it every day for decades. For those people, I imagine that quitting might be a much more serious and difficult journey.
Closing Thoughts
I think it’s really important for young people to understand that there are dangers to marijuana. In an effort to legalize the drug, the pendulum has swung too far to where stoners and activists alike will tout that using marijuana regularly helps them. To anyone arguing this point, I will remind them that the tobacco industry told us cigarettes were healthy, too.
Just because it isn’t the deadliest drug in the world doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Additionally, the increased potency of THC concentrates and flower with THC percentages as high as 40%, risk factors for marijuana use are higher than ever before. As my mom would say, “This shit is different from what we used to smoke” (sorry, mom).
I now know several people who have cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome, a sometimes-fatal condition that causes severe bouts of vomiting and subsequent renal kidney failure in long-term chronic users of marijuana. And even though it has long been thought that overdosing on marijuana is impossible, apparently the first recorded THC overdose occurred in 2019 from a woman who consumed large amounts of THC oil.
Ultimately, my journey taught me the significance of balance, self-awareness, and the need for an informed perspective on substance use. It’s crucial for all of us, especially the younger generation, to recognize that while marijuana might have perceived benefits, its risks should not be underestimated or dismissed. As we move forward, a nuanced understanding of its effects is vital in navigating the complex landscape of drug usage and its potential impact on our lives.
I really hope my perspective can help someone out there quit smoking marijuana, or at least begin to foster a sense of knowing that their life can be about more than getting high.
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