a taboo question
So you’d love to be a parent someday, or maybe you already are. In our society and in many cultures, parenthood is just seen as what you do. Many of our parents ask us questions like, “when are you going to give me grandbabies?” or “when will you settle down and start a family?”
A lot of people bring children into this world unconsciously, either by accident or just because that’s seemingly the next step in their life paths. Children are such a blessing in every parent’s life, and many parents say they couldn’t imagine what their life would have been like without their kids. But why?
Did they ever really think about it? If you’re not yet a parent, but you know you’d like to be, have you ever stopped to ask yourself why?
childhood trauma is rampant
Let’s face it: if you don’t have some kind of childhood trauma, you’re one of the lucky ones. All parents make mistakes. It’s an inevitable part of parenthood. Even the most well-intentioned and loving parents can make errors in judgment or handling a situation that can cause trauma to their children.
It’s important to recognize that just because a parent causes trauma, it doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. They may have experienced trauma themselves and are simply repeating a pattern that they learned. They may be dealing with mental health issues that make it difficult for them to interact with their children in a healthy way. Or they may simply not have the tools or knowledge to handle a particular situation in a helpful way.
But these mistakes made by a lack of intention and care can leave a lasting impact on the family unit that requires careful repair. This can involve years of therapy, support groups, or relationships in disarray. If the issues are never solved, we risk passing on the same trauma and pain to our own children.
Many bloodlines including my own are plagued with generational trauma, disease, and anguish. With approximately 385,000 babies being born every single day, isn’t it worth thinking about how to become better parents than those before us? Doesn’t that start with asking ourselves, why?
what does intentional parenting look like?
Parenting with intent means being purposeful and mindful in the way you raise your child. It involves setting goals for yourself and your child, being present in the moment, and making intentional choices about how you interact with your child.
One of the key aspects of intentional parenting is being aware of your child’s individual needs and interests. This involves taking the time to get to know your child, listening to them, and respecting their autonomy. By doing so, you can create an environment in which your child feels valued and supported, which can help them develop a positive self-image and a sense of confidence.
Another important aspect of intentional parenting is setting clear boundaries and expectations for your child. This involves communicating your values and beliefs, establishing rules and consequences, and following through on your commitments. By doing so, you can help your child develop a sense of responsibility and accountability, which can prepare them for success in life.
Intentional parenting also involves prioritizing quality time with your child. This means being present and engaged in your child’s life, and making time for activities that you both enjoy. By doing so, you can create a strong bond with your child, which can help them feel secure and connected to you.
Of course, intentional parenting is not always easy, and it requires a lot of effort and commitment. But by raising your child with purpose and intention, you can help them grow into confident, successful, and well-adjusted adults.
ok great, but why?
There are many different reasons why people want to become parents. Some of the most common reasons that people cite include the desire to:
- Experience the joy and fulfillment of parenthood
- Pass on their genes
- Carry on the family name
- Have someone to take care of them in their old age
- Create a stable and loving family unit
- Meet societal expectations
- To aid in a personal journey
While these reasons may seem valid on the surface, they may not necessarily be good reasons to become a parent for everyone. And more people than ever before are choosing not to have children. Here are some issues to consider:
Joy and fulfillment are not guaranteed in parenthood. While many parents find raising children to be one of the most rewarding experiences of their lives, others may struggle with feelings of stress, anxiety, and frustration. Parenthood is a complex and challenging journey that is not right for everyone. Additionally, there is no guarantee that your child will not have unique challenges. If you are not equipped to handle a child with disabilities or special needs, parenting might not be right for you.
Passing on one’s genes or carrying on the family name may be important to some people, but it is not an essential part of life. There are many meaningful ways to make a difference in the world that do not involve having biological children. Additionally, your children are not obligated to have children of their own to carry on this name, either.
Relying on children to take care of us in old age is not a healthy or sustainable reason to become a parent. It’s important to build a support system throughout our lives that include a network of family, friends, and community members. It is unfair to expect your children to take care of you, especially when you do not know what the outcome of their life or their own health will be.
Creating a stable and loving family unit can be achieved in many different ways. Adoption, fostering, and blended families are all valuable options to consider.
Societal expectations should not be the driving force behind the decision to become a parent. Everyone’s path in life is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another. It’s important to make decisions about parenthood based on personal values and goals.
Children are not a pet project to serve your own personal development. They are individual human beings with their own wants, needs, fears, and challenges. Too often, parents projects their unfulfilled dreams or desires onto their children or see their children as a reflection of themselves.
good reasons to become a parent
I’m not here to tell you that any of the above reasons are wrong, or that you shouldn’t be a parent, or that there’s only a few good, valid reasons to become a parent. I’m simply opening up a discussion that isn’t had often enough in a society where we look to children to solve the world’s problems with the weight of their parents’ expectations on their shoulders.
Parenthood is a journey that involves opening up your focus from your own needs, to those of a family unit. Many of us face a time in life where we are ready, willing, and able to do so. We may experience the desire and love to care for a child, and want to bring that into manifestation.
Through this process, we are able to literally and physically create life, which is one of the most amazing miracles there is. Through parenthood, we uncover the opportunity to guide and teach a child, and to pass our values and traditions onto a new generation of humans. If we succeed in that mission, we leave a positive and lasting impact on the world. Children with strong values and a compassionate worldview can go on to accomplish and discover great things, and they are needed to ensure positive outcomes in the future.
Though the focus of parenthood should be on rearing happy and amazing humans, it also allows the parents to experience growth and personal development beyond what they would experience in friendships, partnerships, and communities. Patience, selflessness, humility, and pride will be nurtured and tested by raising children. If we are lucky enough to become grandparents or even great-grandparents, we have the opportunity of a lifetime to build a family and watch it grow and change through generations, leaving a powerful legacy.
Finally, a healthy and intentional parent has the opportunity to give a child a stable and nurturing home. Unfortunately, this can be rare in our world. Having a stable and nurturing home is a blessing that allows a human to grow into their fullest potential. Two partners who have the conditions needed to provide that should absolutely nurture a family if they want to.
the future of parenting
The future of parenting and by extension, the world, is up to the current and incoming generation of parents. Should we choose to move into the next chapter of our lives by creating a new generation with intent, love, and purpose, we have the potential to make a lasting impact on humankind.
I’m not a parent (yet!), but I still consider my future children in the choices I make, even today. I hope that by asking this taboo question, we can start a discussion on the why behind parenting and make a positive impact in the lives of future parents, parents, grandparents, and children everywhere. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments or on social media!
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