The Glaring Problem in Wellness and Mental Health Online
Since I started Wisterian Woman back in April 2023, I have loved being a content creator and finding new ways to promote my message and get my website seen by all you beautiful people. One of the many ways I have done this has unfortunately been… Tiktok.
Yes, Tiktok, with its trendy dance videos, viral sounds, unapologetic Gen-Z culture, and unfortunately, super toxic, conflicting, overall unhelpful messaging. I even started a fresh new FYP (For You Page, aka “the algorithm”) when I made my new account, and within 10 short days, the negativity has already seeped in and infected my carefully curated feed. This quickly devolving sect of the internet reminds me of my angsty teenage years spent scrolling Tumblr, and re-blogging every depraved thought that resonated with me.
I live on the cusp between Millennial and Generation Z; born in 1997, I spent my childhood riding my bike outside, but my teenage years in front of a laptop or smartphone screen. I simultaneously have experienced the unique perspective of growing up with the internet and remembering what the world was like without it.
Since my content primarily exists within the health, wellness, mental health, and empowerment spaces, I get a fun mis-mash of content fed to me through various algorithms that generally show me the cultural consensus on these topics. This eclectic news feed ranges from conventionally attractive girls doing yoga while telling you to fight for what you believe in, to raw vegan juice cleanses, and to, well, normalizing self-harm to cope with our mental illnesses and refusal to seek help. Ouch.
So, yeah, we need to talk about that. I’m sick of writing this intro, let’s just get into it.
shallow empowerment: “That Girl” and “Girlboss”
The “girlboss” confidence culture trend emerged as a movement that aimed to empower and celebrate women’s success, particularly in the professional and entrepreneurial spheres. It encouraged women to embrace their ambition, leadership qualities, and assertiveness, challenging traditional gender norms that often discouraged these traits in women. The term “girlboss” was popularized by Sophia Amoruso’s book and subsequent media company, Nasty Gal.
The trend promoted the idea that women could be both successful and feminine, breaking down the notion of a trade-off between competence and likability. It emphasized the importance of self-confidence, self-expression, and taking charge of one’s career and life. Think: Legally Blonde, Pinterest boards, desk calendars, and unfortunately, pyramid schemes. While the movement gained popularity (mostly among Millennial women) for its emphasis on empowerment, it also faced criticism for oversimplifying complex gender issues and for potentially promoting a narrow definition of success that might not be accessible to all.
Similarly, the “that girl” trend is a cultural phenomenon that supposedly seeks to empower women by promoting qualities of confidence, independence, and self-assuredness in various aspects of life. It encourages women to be productive, constantly seek self-improvement and personal development, and commonly dismisses challenges as “excuses.” Think: 5am alarm clock, green smoothies, a 12-step skincare routine, a perfectly organized refrigerator and desk, journals and reads every single day, and is effortlessly beautiful. Rightfully so, the trend has faced criticism for its potential to set unrealistic standards, overlook systemic challenges, and create pressure to conform to a specific ideal. It may not fully consider the diverse experiences and barriers that different women encounter, making the trend’s ideals unattainable for many.
Both the “girlboss” and “that girl” ideals, while aiming to empower women, can indeed be perceived as unrealistic and unattainable for many for a variety of reasons:
- Privilege and Socioeconomic Factors: The pursuit of becoming a successful entrepreneur or embodying the characteristics of a “girlboss” often requires a certain level of financial stability, access to resources, and networks. Many women face socioeconomic barriers that make it difficult to start and sustain their own businesses or to embrace this type of identity.
- Limited Definitions of Success: Both ideals tend to promote a specific version of success that might not resonate with everyone. Success can mean different things to different people, and not everyone aspires to be an entrepreneur or fit the mold of a confident, independent woman as defined by these trends.
- Pressure and Stress: The pressure to conform to these ideals can lead to stress and burnout. Striving to be a “girlboss” or “that girl” might cause individuals to overwork themselves, neglect self-care, or push their boundaries to meet unrealistic expectations.
- One-Size-Fits-All Approach: The ideals of a “girlboss” or “that girl” tend to present a one-size-fits-all approach to empowerment, disregarding the fact that empowerment can be achieved in many different ways. What works for one person might not work for another due to individual circumstances and preferences.
- Impact on Self-Worth: For individuals who struggle to live up to these ideals, there can be a negative impact on self-esteem and self-worth. Feeling like they don’t measure up to these standards can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
- Media and Social Media Influence: The portrayal of “girlbosses” and “that girls” in media and on social media platforms can contribute to a distorted view of reality. People often showcase their successes and strengths, but not their struggles, which can create an unrealistic perception of what it takes to achieve these ideals.
To summarize, while the “girlboss” and “that girl” concepts have positive intentions in promoting women’s empowerment, they can be unrealistic and unattainable for many due to various barriers, individual circumstances, and a lack of consideration for intersectionality. It’s important to recognize that empowerment comes in different forms and that true progress requires addressing systemic issues that hinder opportunities for a diverse range of women.
a rising Toxic counter-culture
In response to empowerment movements like “girlboss” and “that girl,” a deliberately toxic subculture emerged that glamorizes mental illness and toxicity. This subculture, from listing their mental health diagnoses in their social media bio to tagging “sad girl” on Tumblr, romanticizes and exaggerates negative emotions and behaviors as a form of rebellion against the perceived pressure to conform to positive, empowered ideals. This subculture has contained a wide array of trends over the years, but overall boils down to the following characteristics:
- Glamorizing Mental Illness: The subculture romanticizes mental health issues, portraying them as glamorous or desirable. Concepts like anxiety, depression, and self-destructive behavior are presented as edgy or trendy, leading to a dangerous normalization of serious mental health challenges.
- Rejection of Positivity: Deliberately rejecting positivity and embracing negativity becomes a hallmark of this subculture. Positive thinking, personal growth, and empowerment are often criticized or mocked as inauthentic or naive.
- Counter-Cultural Attitude: The subculture adopts a counter-cultural attitude by opposing mainstream empowerment narratives. It views expressions of strength, resilience, and confidence as disingenuous or shallow, favoring a facade of vulnerability and pessimism.
- Embracing Toxic Behaviors: Toxic behaviors such as self-sabotage, codependency, and substance abuse are glamorized. These behaviors are portrayed as rebellious and authentic, undermining the pursuit of healthy lifestyles and relationships.
- Social Media Persona: The subculture is often perpetuated through social media platforms where individuals share curated images and posts that depict a romanticized version of their struggles. This can lead to a distorted perception of mental health issues.
- Misunderstanding of Mental Health: The subculture may perpetuate misunderstandings about mental health, portraying it as a trendy aesthetic or inevitable harsh reality rather than a serious affliction that requires proper care, support, and treatment.
- Peer Identity and Community: Individuals in this subculture may find a sense of identity and community among others who share similar attitudes. This camaraderie can lead to reinforcement of harmful behaviors and beliefs.
- Risk of Glorifying Harm: Glorifying self-destructive behaviors or negative emotions can normalize harm and discourage seeking help. It may hinder individuals from receiving the necessary support to improve their mental well-being.
- Lack of Real Solutions: The subculture often lacks practical solutions or coping strategies for managing mental health challenges. Instead, it may perpetuate a cycle of negativity without offering constructive ways to address difficulties.
- Potential for Isolation: Engaging with this subculture can lead to isolation, as individuals might distance themselves from positive influences and reject opportunities for personal growth.
It’s crucial to recognize that this deliberately toxic subculture can perpetuate harmful beliefs and behaviors, ultimately undermining the well-being of individuals who may be struggling with mental health issues. Mental health should be treated with care, sensitivity, and appropriate support, rather than being sensationalized or trivialized.
Middle Ground: Authenticity Amid Trendy Extremes
In a rapidly-refreshing digital world that often swings between the assertive ideals of the “girlboss” and the romanticized notions of being “that girl,” individuals find themselves caught between conflicting narratives of empowerment. Additionally, the troubling emergence of a toxic subculture that glamorizes mental illness and negativity further complicates the landscape. In the midst of these extremes, the key lies in finding a balanced approach that acknowledges real struggles, while choosing hope, self-compassion, and the pursuit of a genuinely fulfilling life.
Here’s how we can navigate this intricate terrain and foster resilience and authenticity in the face of trends that often oversimplify complex realities:
- Embrace Realism: It’s crucial to recognize that life is a blend of successes and setbacks, and it’s okay to feel vulnerable or overwhelmed at times. Avoid the temptation to buy into trends that downplay or sensationalize these challenges. Authentic empowerment stems from acknowledging both strengths and vulnerabilities.
- Prioritize Self-Compassion: Amid the fervor of empowerment narratives, remember that self-compassion is a cornerstone of growth. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would extend to a close friend facing difficulties. Understand that progress is seldom linear and setbacks are natural parts of the journey.
- Resist Comparison: Each person’s path is unique, and your journey doesn’t need to mirror the extremes presented by empowerment trends. Avoid comparing yourself to idealized versions of others, or feeling the need to use your struggles to seek credibility or external validation. Authentic progress is about embracing your individuality and striving for growth that resonates with your true self. Although everyone faces unique challenges and some face more adversity than others, recognize that everyone will experience barriers, traumas, or illness at some point in their life, and there is no need to keep score.
- Seek Authenticity: Embrace your genuine interests, values, and aspirations. Pursue goals that align with your identity rather than conforming to the pressure of trends. Authentic empowerment comes from staying true to yourself, even in the face of societal expectations.
- Normalize Struggles: Break the cycle of romanticizing adversity. Remember that struggles are part of the human experience, and seeking help or support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Open conversations about mental health without glamorization are essential for destigmatizing real challenges.
- Practice Balanced Self-Care: Engage in self-care practices that holistically address your well-being. Balance moments of self-indulgence with those that promote growth and self-improvement. Strive for a harmonious integration of both aspects.
- Set Realistic Goals: Empowerment is fostered through the achievement of realistic goals. Break down larger aspirations into achievable steps. Celebrate the progress you make, no matter how small, as it fuels your journey forward.
- Cultivate Hope: Choose hope as a driving force in your journey. Believe in your capacity to overcome obstacles and create positive change. Hope can coexist with acknowledging challenges, providing a powerful anchor during tough times.
- Curate a Supportive Circle: Surround yourself with individuals who uplift, encourage, and genuinely understand your experiences. Positive relationships can act as a counterbalance to the toxic influences of extreme narratives, offering the support needed to navigate complexities.
- Professional Guidance: If mental health struggles are a part of your journey, seek guidance from mental health professionals. Their expertise can provide effective coping strategies and tools tailored to your individual needs.
- Live in the Real World: Many of these ideas, norms, and shallow “communities” live only behind the screen of your computer or smartphone. Don’t believe me? Ask your grandma who “that girl” is. By forging real life, real world connections, you’ll find that most people are struggling too, and also willing to help.
By thoughtfully navigating between the extremes of empowerment trends and the glamorization of struggles, you can develop a nuanced perspective that embraces hope, authenticity, and personal growth. This journey toward authenticity is a testament to your strength and ability to shape a life that is genuinely empowered and fulfilling.
In Summary
In a world of ever-evolving empowerment trends and the rise of a toxic subculture that romanticizes adversity, finding your way can be challenging. I’ve navigated these narratives being fed to me by the algorithm overlords, seeking authenticity amid the noise. With TikTok’s allure and the toxic subculture infiltrating our feeds, it’s time to steer a course that balances hope, self-compassion, and fulfillment.
Although their fridges are aesthetically pleasing and their businesses ever-growing, we must pause to consider the implications of the “that girl” girlboss. These trends often set unattainable standards, laden with privilege and stress, leaving many feeling inadequate.
Moreover, the emergence of the toxic subculture, glorifying mental health struggles, adds another layer of complexity. It’s essential to realize that this is not the route to empowerment, but rather a dangerous path that diminishes the seriousness of mental health challenges and encourages self-harm, substance abuse, and inexcusable behavior.
So, how do we find our footing amidst these extremes? We journey towards authenticity:
- We Embrace Reality: Recognizing life’s duality is essential – success and setbacks coexist. Authentic empowerment emerges from acknowledging both sides of the coin.
- Self-Compassion Guides Us: Amid trendy narratives, self-compassion is our true north. Progress isn’t linear; setbacks are stepping stones to growth.
- Comparison Takes a Back Seat: We break free from comparing ourselves to others. True progress embraces individuality and authenticity.
- Our Voice is Our Own: We align our goals with our values. Empowerment comes from being true to ourselves, unfazed by societal norms.
- Struggles Aren’t Glamorized: We shatter the allure of glamorizing adversity. Real conversations about mental health remove stigma and encourage genuine healing.
- Holistic Self-Care: Our well-being involves balance. We indulge when needed while striving for growth, nurturing body and mind.
- Realistic Goals Drive Us: We set achievable milestones, rejoicing in every step forward.
- Hope is Our Anchor: Hope thrives alongside challenges, empowering us to overcome.
- Our Circle Uplifts: A supportive community counters toxicity. Positive relationships foster growth.
- Professional Help is Valued: Mental health support is vital. Seeking professional guidance is a sign of strength.
- We Live in the Real World: Every once in awhile, we put our phones down and stay present in our every day lives.
Amid the clamor of trends and the allure of toxic narratives, remember that authenticity is your anchor. By balancing hope, self-compassion, and genuine growth, you navigate a nuanced path to empowerment, shaping a life that resonates with your true self. This journey, marked by authenticity, is the ultimate testament to your strength and ability to thrive amidst complexities.
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