Note: This article is one part of a multi-part series called “How To Be Successful: A Young Adult’s Roadmap.” Learning From Failure is STEP 8 out of 10, and I would greatly encourage you to read the full roadmap and its accompanying articles to have all the tools to create your own success.
if you never fall, you’ll never know how to get back up.
Failure is often seen as a negative and discouraging experience, but in reality, it can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth and success. Our journey in life is not defined solely by our accomplishments but also by the setbacks and failures we encounter along the way. These moments of defeat teach us valuable lessons, shape our character, and help us discover our true potential. In this article, we will explore the transformative power of failure and how embracing it can lead to a fulfilling and resilient life.
Before the sixth grade, I was a straight-A student. School was where I found my identity, sense of purpose, community, and confidence. I wanted to be the smartest kid in class. I wanted approval and praise from my teachers, and I got it. My life took a chaotic turn after my dad passed away, and I found myself struggling to keep up with assignments. At the time, I was a persistent perfectionist, so if I didn’t have the time or motivation to do an assignment perfectly, I wouldn’t do it at all. Suddenly, I was failing English, my favorite class.
It felt like my entire identity and self-worth was crumbling underneath me. I knew there were other kids much smarter than me at this point, but what if I wasn’t smart at all? If I wasn’t good at the thing I loved the most, what did that say about me?
I’ll never forget the message from my teacher, and it’s a lesson that carried me through college and continues to carry me through my personal and professional life: “Do what you can, and it will be better than nothing at all. If you don’t even try, you’re only cheating yourself. Your best is all you can do, and I know this isn’t your best.”
Until then, I thought my best was perfection. From that point on, I started practicing consistency instead of perfection. I made it through school just fine, and became a solid A/B/occasional C-student.
Then, I failed again when I got into the workforce. My second job ever was to make smoothies, ring out customers, and keep the store clean. I had just gone through my first breakup ever, and making a sticky, fruity mess spotless was an impossible task with a 17-year old broken heart. A few repeated mistakes, and I was pushed out the door.
Again, my sense of self was at risk. I was a hard worker, a reliable employee. I loved my job, my coworkers, and the sense of stability I got from my paycheck. I had bills to pay, and I needed to save for college. How could I fulfill my dreams if I couldn’t even hold down a smoothie job?
Funny enough, I thought of my sixth grade English teacher that day. I asked myself if I had done my best, and I knew that I had. This experience unlocked a new fear, one that I still fight to this day:
what if my best isn’t good enough?
Well? What if it isn’t? That begs the question — good enough for who, exactly? My best wasn’t good enough for the manager of that smoothie shop, but it was good enough for the next manager who promoted me and launched my sales career. More importantly, I began working towards knowing that my best was good enough for myself.
the lessons learned from failure
Each failure we experience offers an opportunity for self-reflection and growth. Whether it’s falling short academically, struggling in the workforce, or facing personal challenges, failure reveals our limitations and areas for improvement. It teaches us to look inward and understand the root causes of our setbacks. By examining our mistakes and taking responsibility for them, we develop a deeper understanding of ourselves and gain insights that shape our future actions.
If I had quit trying like I did in the sixth grade, and fallen into the mental trap that said: I’m not a good employee, I’ll never be successful, why should I even try?, I never would have made it down the path that led me to today. I wouldn’t have graduated college, made it through my first few boring office jobs, into a career that I love. I never would have had the courage to follow my creative pursuits, sell my art, or start a blog.
I’ve failed a hundred times since then. I’ve had failed relationships, failed college courses (withdrawn, according to my transcripts, before that F was set in stone), failed art, failed ideas, failed hobbies, failed at work, failed healing, failed my friends, failed my family, and worst of all, failed myself.
Every failure, every setback, I learned my limitations. I learned that I’m not very good at cleaning, or science, or taking notes, or saying no. I have poor short-term memory, so I need to keep a planner. I can’t talk energetically all day long, so I’m not the best salesperson. I am impatient with my artwork, so I don’t like to draw. I am impatient with myself, so I get discouraged if I make mistakes.
Each time I discovered a weakness, I pivoted in some way. I started painting instead of drawing, participating in class discussions instead of taking notes, focusing on service over sales, and reminding myself that everyone makes mistakes.
Failure can change your life for the better, but only if you have the ability to learn from it rather than repeat it.
learn from failure
- You’re willing to look inward to discover the source of the failure
- You are compassionate towards yourself for your mistakes
- You can take actionable steps to manage your weaknesses or seek opportunities that allow you to use your strengths
- You try your best, even if it doesn’t always work out the way you want it to
- You stay consistent and are willing to push through obstacles
…or repeat it?
- You only look outward to blame others or the environment for your failure
- You beat yourself up and allow the failure to shake your sense of identity
- You identify by your weaknesses rather than your strengths
- You don’t know your strengths
- You give up or stop giving your best effort when presented with challenges
- You cannot push through obstacles unless motivated by external factors
building resilience and self-compassion
Failure is an integral part of the journey towards success. It is through our mistakes and missteps that we learn, grow, and evolve as individuals. It teaches us humility, resilience, and the importance of perseverance in the face of adversity. More importantly, it shows us that success is not a linear path but a winding road full of twists and turns.
One of the biggest misconceptions about failure is that it is a reflection of our worth as individuals. We tend to equate failure with personal shortcomings and feel ashamed for falling short of our goals. However, failure is not a reflection of our worth or potential. It is simply a part of the learning process, a stepping stone towards greater things.
Navigating failure requires a strong sense of resilience and self-compassion. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks, adapt to challenges, and keep moving forward. Self-compassion, on the other hand, involves treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, especially in moments of failure. Together, these qualities provide a solid foundation for embracing failure as a catalyst for growth.
Developing Resilience
Resilience is not an innate trait; it can be cultivated and strengthened over time. To build resilience in the face of failure, consider the following:
- Acceptance: Acknowledge and accept the reality of failure. Avoid dwelling on negative emotions or blaming yourself excessively. Instead, focus on what you can learn from the experience.
- Positive reframing: Reframe failure as an opportunity for growth and learning. View setbacks as stepping stones toward success rather than as personal shortcomings.
- Support system: Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, professionals or mentors who can provide encouragement, guidance, and a listening ear during challenging times.
- Self-care: Take care of your physical and emotional well-being. Engage in activities that rejuvenate and recharge you, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time in nature.
- Adaptability: Cultivate a flexible mindset that embraces change and adapts to new circumstances. Embrace challenges as opportunities for personal development and embrace the uncertainty that accompanies them.
Cultivating Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is crucial when facing failure. It involves treating ourselves with kindness and understanding rather than harsh self-judgment. Here are some strategies for cultivating self-compassion:
- Practice self-kindness: Be gentle and understanding with yourself. Treat yourself as you would a close friend or loved one who is experiencing a setback. Offer words of encouragement and support.
- Embrace imperfection: Recognize that failure is a natural part of life and that no one is perfect. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them, knowing that they do not define your worth.
- Practice mindfulness: Be present and non-judgmental of your thoughts and emotions. Acknowledge and validate your feelings without getting caught up in self-criticism or rumination.
- Foster self-acceptance: Embrace your flaws and imperfections. Understand that failure does not diminish your value as a person. Embrace your unique qualities and strengths, celebrating your progress and growth.
- Seek growth and learning: Approach failure as an opportunity for self-improvement. Reflect on the lessons learned and consider how you can apply them in future endeavors.
managing weaknesses and leveraging strengths
Failure helps us identify our weaknesses and areas where we need improvement. It presents an opportunity to develop strategies to manage these weaknesses or seek alternative paths that allow us to capitalize on our strengths. Understanding our strengths and weaknesses enables us to make more informed decisions, set realistic goals, and align our efforts with activities that bring us fulfillment and success.
Failure often highlights our weaknesses and areas for improvement. However, it is equally important to recognize and leverage our strengths to navigate failure effectively. Here are some strategies for managing weaknesses and leveraging strengths:
- Identifying Weaknesses:
- Reflect on the areas where you faced challenges or encountered setbacks. Pinpoint the specific skills, knowledge, or behaviors that contributed to the failure.
- Seek feedback from trusted individuals who can provide objective insights and constructive criticism.
- Prioritize self-awareness and introspection to gain a deeper understanding of your limitations and areas that need improvement.
- Developing Strategies:
- Once you have identified your weaknesses, develop strategies to manage them. This could involve acquiring new skills, seeking further education or training, or finding alternative approaches to overcome challenges.
- Break down your goals into smaller, manageable steps that allow you to make progress while addressing your weaknesses.
- Seek guidance from mentors or experts in the field who can offer insights and advice based on their own experiences.
- Leveraging Strengths:
- Recognize your unique strengths, talents, and abilities. These are the areas where you excel and feel most confident.
- Identify opportunities where you can apply your strengths to overcome obstacles or achieve success.
- Focus on cultivating and refining your strengths, as they can become valuable assets in your personal and professional pursuits.
Remember, managing weaknesses and leveraging strengths is an ongoing process. Embrace a growth mindset and view failure as an opportunity to learn, adapt, and develop new skills. By managing weaknesses and leveraging strengths, you can enhance your overall resilience and increase your chances of overcoming setbacks and achieving success in the long run.
closing thoughts and considerations
When faced with failure, it’s easy to succumb to self-doubt and give up. However, those who persist despite setbacks are the ones who ultimately achieve their goals. Failure teaches us the importance of consistency, determination, and perseverance. It pushes us to keep trying, even when faced with obstacles and challenges. By staying committed to our journey and embracing failure as a stepping stone to success, we can overcome setbacks and accomplish remarkable things.
When we fail, we have two options – give up or keep going. Those who give up when faced with failure will never achieve their full potential. Those who persist despite setbacks and failures are the ones who ultimately get to live a life of their own design. This is because failure teaches us to approach problems differently, to experiment, to try new things, and to push beyond our perceived limitations.
I hope the next time you fail, you’ll look inward to explore your limitations and remember that your best is all you can do, so you better get out there and frickin’ do it again.
-w.w.
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